How to receive and give feedback

Your manager has sent your report back, a client says they “didn’t like” the design, or a teacher has covered the margins of your essay in red ink. At moments like these many people feel hurt, start defending themselves or go quiet while resentment builds up inside. Yet feedback that is received well is the simplest and quickest route to growth. In this article we look at what feedback is, how praise and criticism differ from it, and how to recognise constructive feedback. Then we cover how to receive it, how to respond calmly to unfair criticism, how to ask for feedback yourself and how to give it to others: the SBI model, written comments, and speaking respectfully to a manager or an older colleague. At the end you will find three real-life examples, ready-made phrases, common mistakes, a practical exercise and a checklist.

What feedback is and why it matters

Feedback is information about how your work, behaviour or results have affected other people. Its purpose is not to give you a mark but to help you do better next time. You cannot see yourself from the outside: whether your report is clear, whether you spoke too fast in a presentation, whether an email came across as rude — usually only other people notice.

It is important to tell three things apart:

• Praise: “Great job”, “Well done”. Pleasant and motivating, but it does not say what to repeat.
• Criticism: “This is bad”, “That won’t work”. It points to a mistake but often explains neither the cause nor the fix, and it makes people defensive.
• Constructive feedback says specifically what went well or badly, explains the effect and suggests a next step. It can be positive (“That table is exactly what helped the manager decide quickly — do the same in the next report”) or critical.

Employers count the ability to receive and give feedback among the important soft skills. You can read about the general rules of workplace communication in our article on communication at work; here we focus on feedback alone.

The signs of constructive feedback

You can recognise good feedback by four signs:

1. Specific. Not “the report is confusing” but “in the second section the conclusion comes after the table, so I couldn’t find the key figure straight away”.
2. About behaviour, not personality. Not “you’re careless” but “the last two emails had no attachment”. Comments about someone’s character make them defensive; comments about a specific action show what can be fixed.
3. Timely. As soon as possible after the event, while everything is fresh. Talking about a mistake from three months ago feels pointless and unfair.
4. With a solution. “If you put the conclusion on the first page next time, the manager will see it straight away.” A solution works better as a suggestion than as an order.

These four signs help both sides: when giving feedback you check yourself against them, and when receiving it you fill in vague remarks with clarifying questions.

How to receive feedback

Manage your first reaction

When we hear criticism, the body treats it as a threat: the heart beats faster, the face flushes, and we want to answer back at once. That is natural. The key is not to speak in that moment. Take a couple of deep breaths, pick up a pen and start taking notes. Writing shifts your attention from emotion to content.

Listen and clarify

Hear the person out and do not interrupt. Then ask about anything that is unclear:

• “Which part was particularly unclear?”
• “Could you give me an example?”
• “What result were you expecting?”
• “If I change just one thing, what matters most?”

A clarifying question is not an argument; it helps you understand what you actually need to do.

Say thank you and don’t make excuses

“Thank you for telling me” is a simple but powerful phrase. It shows that you are safe to talk to, so people will be honest with you next time too. Do not start with “But I…” or “Nobody told me”. If there really is important context, mention it later and without arguing: “One thing to add: the data reached me late on Friday evening. If that happens again, I’ll let you know in advance.”

Sum up and make a plan

At the end of the conversation, briefly repeat what you heard: “So, as I understand it, I should move the conclusion to the beginning and add notes to the tables. I’ll do that in the next report.” Then carry out the plan and show the result. A visible response to feedback builds trust faster than anything else.

Wrong or unfair criticism

Sometimes criticism is simply wrong: the person did not know the facts, was in a bad mood, or the issue was not about you at all. Even then, stay calm:

1. Don’t reject it straight away. Say “I see, I’ll think about it” and take some time.
2. Separate the facts. Which part of the criticism is true and which is not? Even unfair remarks often contain one useful point.
3. Respond with facts, not emotions. To “The report wasn’t submitted on time”: “I’ve checked: I sent the report on Thursday morning, here is the email. Perhaps it went into a different folder.”
4. If needed, ask a neutral third person for their view, such as an experienced colleague or a mentor.

Insulting or humiliating remarks are not feedback. You do not have to accept them: calmly say “I’m not comfortable with this tone, let’s talk about the work”, and if it happens again, raise it with management or the HR department.

Ask for feedback yourself

Many people hesitate to share their opinion, especially with a new employee or someone older. That is why the people who gain the most are those who ask for feedback themselves.

When? Right after finishing an important task, halfway through a project (while there is still time to fix things) and regularly — for example, once a month. How to organise this during a probation period is described in our article on the probation period.

From whom? Not just your manager: a colleague who uses the results of your work, an experienced mentor, sometimes a client. If you hear the same point from different people, take it seriously.

With which questions? A general “How was it?” usually gets a general “Fine”. Ask more precisely:

• “Which part of my presentation was strongest, and which was weakest?”
• “If I did one thing differently next time, what should it be?”
• “Are my emails clear, or are they too long?”

Giving feedback: the SBI model and other techniques

The SBI model

SBI stands for Situation, Behaviour, Impact. It is a simple three-step structure:

• Situation: when and where. “At yesterday’s meeting with the client…”
• Behaviour: the specific action you saw, not a judgement. “…you interrupted the client twice…”
• Impact: what it led to. “…and he didn’t get to finish explaining his requirements, so now we have to call him again.”

Then open up the conversation: “What do you think could be done differently next time?” SBI works for positive feedback too: “At today’s meeting you put the figures on a single slide, and thanks to that the decision was made in ten minutes.”

About the “sandwich” method

The “sandwich” places criticism between two pieces of praise: something good, the criticism, then something good again. It has an upside: the conversation starts warmly. But it has drawbacks too. People quickly spot the technique and start waiting for the “but” after every compliment. Some hear only the praise and miss the main point. So give sincere praise separately and at the right moment, and give criticism clearly and respectfully, without excessive “wrapping”.

Face to face or in writing

Give complex, sensitive or critical feedback in person or on a video call wherever possible, one to one — tone of voice and facial expression soften the words. Never criticise someone in front of the team or in a group chat. Written feedback suits small corrections, clear lists and things people will need to come back to. Use short sentences, avoid words like “always” and “never”, and before sending, reread the text through the recipient’s eyes. For more on business correspondence, see our article on email etiquette.

Comments in online documents

In Google Docs, select the text and leave a comment via Insert → Comment (or Ctrl + Alt + M). A good comment is tied to a specific place and gives the reason: “This figure doesn’t match the table — which one is correct?” is far more useful than the single word “wrong”. If you want to change the text yourself, use Suggesting mode, so the author can accept or reject each suggestion. Once an issue is settled, click Resolve. Read more about these tools in our article on working together in Google Docs.

Feedback to a manager, an older colleague and a teacher

Feedback to your manager (upwards)

Giving feedback to a manager can feel daunting, but a good manager values it. Ask permission first: “May I share one observation about the process?” Rely on facts and the shared goal: “When tasks arrive on Friday evening, it’s hard to prepare them properly by Monday. If we got them by Thursday, the results would be better.” Discuss the process, not the manager as a person, and acknowledge that the decision is theirs.

Respectfully, to an older colleague

In Uzbek culture respect for elders runs deep, and it is felt in the workplace too. You can give feedback to an older colleague; just pay attention to the form:

• Use the polite “siz” form of address and add respectful terms such as “aka” (elder brother) or “opa” (elder sister).
• Speak in private and at a calm moment, not in front of others.
• First sincerely acknowledge their experience, then put your point as a question or suggestion: “Opa, compared with your experience I’m still new. Could I ask your advice about something?”
• Not “You’re doing it wrong” but “What if we tried it this way — what do you think?”

In education: teacher and student

As a student, take your teacher’s comments not as a personal attack but as attention someone has spent time on. Ask about any comment you do not understand, and show in your next piece of work how you took it into account. As a teacher, name at least one specific strength in every piece of work, start with the most important corrections and do not give too many comments at once — a student cannot change everything at the same time.

Three examples: Laylo, Sardor and Muhabbat opa

The examples below are hypothetical and the names are invented.

Laylo, a designer facing client criticism

Laylo designed a logo for a small bakery. The client wrote briefly on Telegram: “Didn’t like it at all.” At first Laylo felt hurt and wanted to write a long explanation, but she stopped herself. An hour later she sent this reply: “Thank you for your feedback. So that I can prepare a better version, could I clarify: was it the colours, the font or the overall style you didn’t like? Which logos do you like — could you send me some examples?” It turned out the client simply found the colours too cold. The second version was approved the first time it was shown.

Sardor, a new manager

Sardor was appointed head of a department. One of his staff, Jasur, regularly handed in reports late. Sardor did not criticise him at the team meeting; instead he invited him to a one-to-one conversation and used SBI: “For the last three weeks the weekly report has arrived on Monday afternoon. Because of that I’ve been late submitting the summary report to the director. What’s getting in the way?” Jasur explained that he received data from another department late. They agreed to change the deadline. Sardor drew a lesson for himself too: once a month he began asking his team, “What could I do differently as a manager to make your work easier?”

Muhabbat opa, an experienced accountant, and a young colleague

Muhabbat opa has worked in accounting for many years. Nilufar, who joined recently, noticed recurring errors in the calculations but did not know how to raise it. She spoke up at lunch when they were alone: “Opa, I’m learning a lot from you. I have a question: in the month-end table, it looks as if an amount has been entered twice in two rows. Could we look at it together?” Muhabbat opa was surprised at first, but they checked it together and corrected the error. Later she started asking Nilufar about features of the new software. The respectful approach opened the door to learning from each other.

Ready-made phrases and common mistakes

Poor and better phrases

Common mistakes

• Making excuses straight away. Answering back before hearing the person out.
• Criticising the person. Judging someone’s character instead of their work.
• Criticising in public. Embarrassing someone in a group chat or a meeting.
• Putting it off. Saving up problems for months and then raising them all at once.
• Only criticising. Ignoring good work.
• Vague praise. Stopping at “Well done” without saying what was good.
• Listening and changing nothing. Next time people simply won’t speak up.

Practical exercise and checklist

Practical exercise

1. Recall one piece of criticism you have heard in the past month. Analyse it against the four signs (specific, about behaviour, timely, with a solution) and write down the useful point it contains.
2. Write one piece of feedback for a colleague or classmate using the SBI structure: situation, behaviour, impact and a question about the next step.
3. Write one piece of positive feedback with SBI as well, and say it this week.
4. Choose someone who uses the results of your work and ask them: “If I did one thing differently next time, what should it be?”
5. Note down the answer, say thank you and plan one specific change.

Checklist

• When I hear criticism, I don’t answer straight away; I take notes.
• I ask at least one clarifying question.
• I say “thank you” and don’t start with excuses.
• I briefly repeat what I heard and name the next step.
• I regularly ask for feedback myself.
• When giving feedback, I am specific, focus on behaviour, give it on time and offer a solution.
• I criticise in private and praise in public.
• I approach managers and older colleagues respectfully, through a question or a suggestion.

Feedback is not a weapon against you but a mirror that lets you see yourself from the outside. Once you learn to receive it calmly and give it respectfully, trust in your team grows, mistakes get fixed sooner and your own growth speeds up noticeably.

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